Yes, it’s 2020. As a society, we have grown, evolved, and reached peaks of intellectual and technological advancement. Yet, it’s bewildering how interracial relationships can still incite disgust and hatred, just like it was fifty years ago. People are indeed becoming more accepting of mixed-race relationships. But as an interracial couple ourselves, we believe that people should and can do better than that.
Even though the discussion is not at all new, there are still many myths and stereotypes around interracial relationships. Here, we want to lay out the issues that we’re facing, as well as talk about stereotypes and bust some myths.
Perhaps the most common thing that we face almost every day is that we have people staring at us in public places. I mean, this is 2020! Come on, people! I know we’re attractive :p (cough, cough), but staring at other people is rude! Why do you think it’s okay to do that?
One time, Paul and I were staying at this hotel, and we went to the restaurant downstairs for breakfast. Near the entrance, a family was sitting: a couple of children, parents, and grandparents. The (presumably) grandmother couldn’t keep her eyes off of us; she was staring in a judgmental way. Paul liked to stare back when that happened. Even so, she was still staring until a few minutes later.
I know, staring is better than name-calling, but it feels as bad. I can tell from their facial expression that they think that I’m a slut and Paul is a fetishist and that we shouldn’t be together.
One of the most annoying things for me, other than staring, is how people will automatically hand me the bill at the restaurant. It’s funny because more often than not, Jess is the one who pays (I pay her back half of our total expenses at the end of the month). I don’t like that people think I’m a walking money bag just because I’m white.
Interracial couples‘ stereotypes and myths
Apart from our mild annoyance, there are a few things we want to address that many people also have asked us as follows:
How do you adapt to your partner’s culture and habits? There must be a lot of adjustments to make.
Short answer, it is not that hard. Long answer, despite our differences, we are pretty much compatible right from the start. On the first night that we texted each other, we could talk about personal matters easily: our sexual adventures, thoughts about culture and religions and people. We believe that chemistry must be right from the beginning. Otherwise, it’ll be hard to continue further.
I think I have more things in common with Paul than with my fellow countrymen. A lot of them are very conservative, and I am anything but. It is so nice to find someone that doesn’t judge you for being yourself.
Do you only date a certain race? Do you do that so you can have cute babies?
That one is a bit offensive, but some people do ask that question. Do we prefer to date a certain race? Yes. Does that make us fetishists? No. Appearance is one thing, but that’s not the only thing that matters. Also, we don’t have any plans yet to have babies, so, that’s not the reason here.
I like Asian girls’ features. I think they’re really attractive. But it won’t matter if there’s no connection. Why would you be with a super attractive person that doesn’t even know how to communicate with you? It might work for a short while, but it definitely wouldn’t last.
The reason why I prefer white people is not because I think that they’re better or more superior than men of my race or nationality. The thing is (and this is based on actual research, not just a simple generalization), a lot of men in my country are more conservative. They think highly of virgins (!), they want a traditional, old-fashioned family where the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the home-maker, baby popper and their main function is to serve the husband. And no, I value myself too much to let myself fall into that trap. I prefer a man who is progressive and open to a more modern set of values.
Is it true that white men have big members (down there)? Is it true that Asian women are submissive in bed?
I’ve met men with different sizes, regardless of race. So that might be statistically correct, but not always. Anyway, it’s not about the size; it’s about compatibility. A man with a big member doesn’t necessarily mean that they know how to use it effectively.
My answer is basically the same. Being submissive or dominant can’t be tied to a specific race. In this relationship, however, Jess is definitely not the submissive part :p
Do you date white men because they have more money? Aren’t you afraid of dating gold-digger Asian women?
We split our expenses 50-50. I like taking care of Jess, but I have never felt that Jess is using me that way. She doesn’t even care about me giving her gifts. Our relationship is equal in that sense.
Oh yeah, a tale as old as time. Sigh. I’ve heard people saying that marrying/dating a foreigner will get you financial stability. They’ll pay for you, and you don’t have to work your whole life. That’s offensive in many ways. I can support myself. I have a job that pays me enough salary for myself. Also, I’ve never seen Paul as my personal bank account. Does Paul pay me for stuff? Yes, sometimes. But I pay for him too sometimes, and it’s fine. The bottom line is, I’m not with him because of his money.