For decades, the concept of romance and romantic love has been glorified through many different products of popular culture. The idea of finding the one and living happily ever after is emphasized over and over again in movies, books, and mass media.
Although the concept of partnership based on love is fairly recent (our ancestors used to marry for political alliance or building wealth, for example), we’ve been raised and taught our whole life that getting married to your loved one is the right thing to do. When we meet ‘the one’, nothing will ever go wrong, and everything else can be solved because love conquers all. Well, that’s a lot of BS.
Both of us believe that romantic partnership—in whatever form it takes—has to be treated more like a business than a fairy tale. A partnership is an organization that has goals, requires a certain amount of effort and capital, and runs with the principles of maximizing benefits and lowering risks. A healthy business needs strong leadership and teamwork, just as much as a romantic partnership does.
The right mindset in building a healthy relationship
Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be lovedJohn Lennon
We all know that loving someone and being loved by someone is a great feeling. But to build a healthy relationship, we can’t just depend on our feelings and emotions. A relationship is something you have to develop and nurture using the proper tools and different skill sets. It does sound unromantic, yes, but it’s not at all different from every other thing in life. If you want to be successful at it, you have to earn it.
Before entering a relationship: know yourself and love yourself
We’ve heard this before: love yourself before you give your love to someone else. It sounds cliché, and what does loving yourself mean anyway?
Loving yourself means that you help yourself to be in better states: physically, emotionally, mentally. To become a better person, you have to set goals as well as standards for yourself. Think of it like when you’re aiming for a dream job. For you to land that role, you have to equip yourself with the right skills and experience. You push yourself to learn and train for the test.
It’s the same thing with loving yourself. Before you love yourself, the first thing you need to do is to know yourself: your aspiration, your needs and wants.
Because when you know yourself, you will understand what you like or don’t like, what you want or don’t want. You’ll understand what you value in life and what makes you happy and comfortable. You’ll know what your goals in life are and how to achieve them.
When you love yourself, you’ll be able to understand your capability, your limitations, your strengths, and your weaknesses. You’ll be able to challenge as well as motivate yourself. If something wrong happens, you’ll be able to forgive yourself and pat yourself in the back and move on.
Once you do, you’ll attract people of the same values, goals, and purposes. Not only a life partner, but also friends, business networks, and more. You will know when you’re not compatible with someone, and you won’t keep them in your life. You will find someone who loves you and who you love.