Dealing with a breakup: knowing when to end a relationship and move on

Dealing with a breakup

Love can be complicated when it starts, and even more when it ends. Breaking up is a stressful situation, no matter what. When we start a relationship, most of the time we only think of the best; we don’t prepare ourselves for the worst. 

It is important to understand how to deal with a breakup and move on, so it’s easier for us to recover from the emotional pain.

Knowing when to end a relationship

Paul

I think it is always tricky. In the beginning, you will deny the obvious signs because you think it’s repairable. Of course, the passion and the emotional aspects conquer everything else. But in the end, delaying things will only make it worse.

I had a few unsuccessful long-distance relationship experiences. The first one, I met her online, we chatted for four months, then we decided to be in a relationship afterward. We had a long distance relationship for a few months. She was quite religious. During the relationship, I sometimes questioned her reasoning about things, and she always said that’s just how her faith taught her. Whenever I confronted her on things, she’d shut down and the discussion went nowhere. Everything I said fell on deaf ears.

But the straw that broke the camel’s back was when one time she was sick and got prescribed antibiotics. She decided it wasn’t important to finish the dose that her doctor gave her. I told her that she should finish all of them because that’s how antibiotics work. Again, she thought I was ridiculous for making it such a big thing. At that time, I knew this relationship wouldn’t work. It was the ignorance and the close-mindedness that I couldn’t take, so I called it off.

Another example was also a long distance relationship. We were together for about one and a half years. It wasn’t obvious at first, but we had different interests. She was really into social media, and she was always on her phone. It was difficult to talk with her because she couldn’t pay attention; her phone always distracted her. We broke up because she stopped texting for days. I too already lost the feelings, but I tried to get her attention back for the last time. It didn’t work because the sparks weren’t there anymore.

Dealing with a breakup

Breaking up and move on

Jess

Before Paul, I’ve only had one serious relationship. A long term one, too. It was a toxic relationship, and it was hard for me to move on. 

Honestly, I’m not good at breaking up. So my strategy at that time was to do it abruptly and cut all means of communication. Otherwise, I’d fall back, because even though the feelings had faded, it wasn’t completely gone. We had been together for so long, and I thought it would be hard for me to find someone better. Yes, I was young and naive.

I also had a friend that I could talk to during the whole ordeal. Having someone to talk to helped a lot. Other than that, I shut myself in my room for a week and cried while playing Adele’s songs over and over again. I thought the heartbreak would last forever, but after two weeks, I felt better already. 

He kept bugging me for the next six months, refusing to break up. But I’m glad I didn’t fall for that.

Dealing with a breakup

5 things to do to survive a breakup

Based on our experiences, here are the things we do to survive a breakup:

1. Understand your reasons for breaking up

Is it your principles? Do you have different life values? If you think it’s unfixable and you cannot compromise, perhaps you shouldn’t continue the relationship.

2. Know your limit

What is your deal breaker? What kind of relationship you don’t want to be in? When you reach that point, you’ll know when to end it. Don’t forget to pay attention to the red flags in your relationship. 

3. Cut all communication

It will be much easier to break up this way; otherwise it’ll be much harder to move on because of the prolonged discussion.

4. Have someone to talk to

A friend or family, preferably who knows your past relationship experience.

5. Be patient

Don’t worry, this too shall pass. You’ll find someone else, your heart will mend, you’ll be fine.

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