When is the right time to live together with your partner, if at all? Is it the right thing to do? If so, how to do it? These are all valid questions that a lot of unmarried couples ask, including us: how will living together benefit us, can I stand my partner’s annoying habits, will I get bored of my partner if I see him/her every day, etc.
Why we decided to live together
Before this relationship, Paul had experience living together with his ex, and Jess had zero. Nonetheless, we both agreed that living together is the right thing to do in our relationship. We have also mentioned previously that we have been practically living together since the first time we met.
It is not only because we love each other (which we do!) and we want to spend more time together, but also because it is more practical to do so. Before Paul decided to move permanently, he rented a room which he paid but rarely stayed there because he spent most of the time at Jess’ place. We thought it was such a waste of money.
But the decision to split the cost of living between the two of us wasn’t put into effect right away. In the first couple of months, Paul didn’t pay his share of the place. Not only because he still rented a room at that moment, but also because we hadn’t talked about moving together yet. At some point, it made Jess feel like Paul was not a roommate or a partner, but merely a freeloading tenant. Jess thought, since Paul didn’t pay a dime on the place, he had to follow her rules. That created a weird dynamic between the two of us. Therefore, we discussed the issue, and we thought it would make more sense for us to split the cost.
Other couples may have different reasons why they decided to live together, or if they decided not to do that at all. One thing that we think we’ve done right is that we discussed the matter, and we laid out terms of the agreement, so to speak.
Challenges that we faced
Oh, my, there were so many in the beginning! For example, I usually wake up earlier than Paul in the morning, because he likes to stay up late and doesn’t need to start working early in the morning. If I woke up and made noises, he would make a big fuss about it. We also used to live in a studio apartment where I had to open the curtain or turn on the light in order for me to be able to see and do things. And if he was still sleeping, he would not let me do that. I mean, hello, I need to work and start my day here!
Another thing that used to bother me was the level of cleanliness. What Paul and I think of as ‘clean’ is not the same. We would fight over petty stuff like not putting the garbage out right away. Oh, one last thing, he farts so much! It doesn’t really bother me though; I am just amazed at how one can fart that much 😀
Jess always used to complain that my stuff was lying all over the place. In the old place, I didn’t have wardrobe space. I thought it wasn’t a problem, so I just put my suitcase next to my side of the bed, and left it open so I could reach whatever things I needed from it. She hated that a lot because she could not bear having this in her field of view.
To get back at Jess, I like to complain whenever she does things like forgetting to flush the toilet. We always have a good laugh about that.