Saying I love you: how soon is too soon?

Saying I love you

When do you think is the soonest you can say I love you to someone? In our case, the word ‘love’ was said pretty soon, perhaps a bit too soon.

Jessica

After the first date, we practically, sort of lived together right away. Paul hung out at my place every single day and spent the night. In the morning, Paul would drop me off at the co-working space where I work, and he would go to his. 

In the afternoon, sometimes he would pick me up, or he would come to my place in the evening when he finished his work. Afterwards, we would either continue working for a bit or watch movies. We love watching movies together. I think until today, we have seen hundreds of movies and TV series together.

At first, I thought it was kind of odd; opening up space to accommodate someone you just met. Mind you, up until that point, I had never lived together with anyone. I was out of my parents’ house when I was 21. Then, I lived by myself ever since. But with Paul, everything felt right. So who was I to object?

Paul

The reason why I went to the city was to do a visa run. I didn’t plan to stay there for more than three days. I ended up staying a lot longer and renting a room for weeks because I didn’t want to go.

Jess has an authentic personality. We communicated easily. I liked the fact that Jess is a direct person, she says what she means and she never beats around the bush. No mind games. At one point she put me on the spot. I think it was after three days of seeing each other, she asked me, “What are your intentions? What do you want out of this ‘thing’ between us?” It caught me by surprise, but not surprised by her question. I told her, I would like to explore something more because I felt there was a connection between us. 

Right after she asked me, “Do you want us to be exclusive? Because I need to know for sure what this exploration phase entails. Also, for how long do we want to be in this trial phase?”

To be honest, I fell into the comfort of her space (both literally and figuratively) straight away. I remembered thinking, this was more meaningful than everything else I had been through before. I was pretty sure she felt the same way. So I said yes to exclusivity, but that I didn’t know how long this trial phase should be. I’m more of a feeler, so when I know, I know. We cannot force things to happen.

Then things happened. We had our first fight two weeks into our nonstop meeting/dating routine. And then I told her that I love her. I was sure because that’s just the truth. I knew I fell for her, and somehow, I also knew that she felt the same way too.

Jessica

I had no idea when he dropped the L bomb. It was basically two weeks out. Who said I love you after only two weeks, right? I thought it didn’t make any sense. Why would he do that? 

Before that announcement, we had our first fight. I can be stubborn, and most of the time when we fight, I will ask Paul for a timeout. During that first fight, I kicked him out of my place because I didn’t want to see him, and I needed a space for myself to think. The fight didn’t last long, because I thought we could work things out and I invited him to talk and try to solve the problem. 

After we talked about it, all of a sudden, he just said it. Funny thing is, he said to me, “I think you love me too.” He was not wrong though 😀

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